I remember when I just wanted to be enough, now I’m an overflowing well of all things beautiful. I’m now more than enough. —Treka L. House
There are a number of men who are often intimidated by the confidence of an independent woman. There are also some men who confuse a woman’s hunger to maintain her independence as her wanting to embody the role of a man. But as an independent woman I beg to differ. We still yearn for the protection of a man, the security that comes with having a male companion and someone we can rely on. Let’s deeply examine why so many women have embraced the role of boss, provider and go-getter as a primary source of freedom. First of all, I’m a woman and I’ve been surrounded by all types of women, all of my life. I’ve absorbed the family stories and evaluated the processes of many of these women. Women have evolved, because we’ve been given no other choice. We have had to adjust since the beginning of time, or we would have been eaten alive. Our very existence has been dependent on men, starting with our fathers and ending with our husbands/partners. We were forced into the role of caregiver, homemaker and companion, rarely living at our fullest potential, because men dictated how we expressed our capabilities. As a black woman, we’ve had it a little harder than other women. We pushed through the tortures of slavery, we constantly push through domestic violence, various forms of abuse, discrimination, degradation and many other injustices. Yet, we’ve proven to be resilient, indestructible and tenacious. There was a time that we had no means of earning income, because we weren’t allowed to work. Many women back in those times suffered financial abuse at the hands of their husbands, while their husbands had other families on the side and they couldn’t voice their concerns, as they would’ve been left financially destitute. Can you imagine how difficult it was for these women to stomach this insensitive treatment? Many of them had a large number of children, and they could not risk being in a position where they were unable to take care of their children, so they put up with unhealthy situations. We have options now, and we are no longer confined to situations that no longer serve us. We have been expected to depend on men, yet if we do, we are leeches, gold diggers or lacking in some way. So now the “goaldigger” mentality is an issue.
As we fast forward through the years, women were given the opportunities to obtain an education, acquire a job and then we began to move through the ranks to more rewarding positions. Many of us began to seize every opportunity presented to us. We fought for our rights and we began to be paid more, more positions opened and we were even able to join the armed forces. As we sit firmly in 2020, women are killing it and instead of us being celebrated for our progress, we are continuously bashed for rooting for independence as a gender. Seeds of doubt are constantly being planted for women, to make us rethink the role we were pushed into, by the very individuals who are threatened by this new mindset. A woman’s strength of character is acceptable, if it is invested in the man, but when we employ those practices for our personal objectives; we’re going against the grain. Men, please understand that our enthusiasm for independence is not a punishment to you, it is merely women deciding to secure the bag of peace, financial wealth and the bigger picture of security for self. You can still play your role as man, and provider, as we live our dreams and make a coin. We are not trying to take that from you, but I keep hearing men say, “women act like they don’t need us now.” We do, we just don’t need you the way that women used to need men back in the day. The responses of these particular men feels more like an ego injury that is being projected at women, who no longer want to risk being mishandled, because her man has all of the financial leverage. What’s confusing is that the men struggling with the independence of women, boldly express how they don’t want their daughters dependent on a man, yet they can’t handle a woman depending on herself first. How does that work actually?
Additionally, outside of the security aspect of independence, women are talented, strong, skilled, knowledgeable and we want to contribute to society in the way that God intended. If HE only expected women to just cook, clean and stroke egos, HE wouldn’t have equipped us with various abilities to make a difference, acquire wealth or hold our partners down. Let’s not forget who has played a major role in keeping this world afloat. There are so many examples, so I will leave you to gather that information singly for the sake of too many words. We have carried life, birthed life and many of us are raising life into purpose. There are women who are plowing through life depending solely on herself and laser focused on securing her own bag. Since this has you so upset, ask yourself why. She didn’t come into this world like that. Either she watched female figures in her life endure unjust treatment; or she suffered at the hands of a man ill-equipped to be the man she needed. Furthermore, real women are not submitting to a man who is unable to lead anymore. So instead of trying to box women for the purpose of preserving your egos, encourage us as we have done you for years. Lift us up in prayer and support our talents, as we have done men for years. Accept that times have changed, and that women want more because we can do more. Understand that we are no one’s possession, and if you partner with us, we can build an empire together. As we move from year-to-year, a woman’s light will only shine brighter. We are no longer dimming our lights to allow anyone else’s to shine, especially when many of us understand that when our lights are combined, we can blind a nation. This isn’t a competition, because a woman is a woman and a man is a man.