Somebody asked me to name something I loved, and I finally said, 'me', and without hesitation this time. --Treka L. House
I remember when I used to think it was not okay to be flawed, and especially not transparent. I had this fear of being rejected and unlovable for simply being me. That mindset came from things that occurred during my childhood, which created so much anxiety within me. So I worked extra hard to be as perfect as possible; yet it caused me to make even more mistakes. I didn’t know how to set boundaries or even how to stick to them. I accepted way too little from family, friends and relationships. I normally packed up my hurt, disappointment, perceived failures and focused on a positive goals, until I met them all. Sounds optimistic, but I didn’t properly deal with any of my issues. I subconsciously put dirt on it and pretended that it had no effect on me, while I kept smiling and trying to live. Let me tell you, it’s not the smartest things to do to yourself. I could choose to blame everyone around me for these feelings, but in all honesty, I have to take responsibility for it. I relied too heavily on the approval of others, while never seeming to be able to be self-approved. The number one reason was because I didn’t know how, since I was never taught. It took something life changing and 35 years to learn how to be happy with who I am, to accept my mistakes and to understand that self-improvement can’t happen without self-discovery. As I look over my various social media timelines, I see so much self-loathing and false self–love. I found it harder to fake loving myself, rather than taking it one day at a time to actually love myself.
As a jab, I was once told that I am not the strong woman that I want people to believe I am on social media. And you know what, there was some truth and some lies to that statement. But in that moment, after those words hit my ears, I realized that I had indeed lost touch with the strong woman I once was. So though those words stung a bit, it was a much needed wake-up call for me. Since that moment, I have been pushing forward one day at a time. I have confident days and days saturated with doubt, but guess what? Everyone does. See I only want to encourage people through these various platforms with words I know people need, not to trick them into believing that I am superwoman. I hurt, bleed, get sad, scared and cry just like everyone else. I have no desire to make anyone believe I am perfect or that my life is, since it never will be. It’s not anyone’s business what I go through, but like everyone else, I am always going through something. Believe it or not, I go back and reread some of my own words for personal encouragement.
We are taught that loving ourselves is vain and selfish. It’s one of the most misleading lies every told. If you think about it, how can you properly love another being, if you don’t find yourself worthy of your own love? Then dig a little deeper and ask yourself, “If I don’t love and respect myself, then who else will?” When we are not truly in love with ourselves, it opens a door to be broken almost beyond repair when we are hurt, disappointed or mislead. I’m in no way saying that if you love yourself, you’ll be numb to the negative, I’m just saying that it won’t hurt as bad and the bounce back is quicker. I felt compelled to let everyone reading this know that there is absolutely no benefit in pretending to be happy or in practicing self-care or self-love. But there are so many advantages to truly reminding yourself that perfection doesn’t exist, so that you can give yourself the grace you to need to love who you were created to be. Never forget that you’ll make mistakes until the day you die and that no matter what, someone will love you fiercely. And if all else fails, you’ll be right there holding your own hand and loving the hell out of yourself. Just remember that when you love yourself, there are a lot of things you simply won’t accept for yourself. I pray that this post has found you all well and has motivated you all to put yourself first, so that for once, you can live in your divine purpose—unapologetically.