“hurt will cage us, leave us paranoid and running. it’ll have us ducking and dodging the good that life had planned for us. we can’t help it though, hurt is scary as hell. it takes our breath away. hurt is paralyzing and cold. hurt changes us, kills who we were created to be and turns us into emotionless creatures. hurt alters our purpose, it’s infectious and contagious. hurt spreads like a deadly disease. we fail to understand that we have control over hurt, we can choose not to hurt.” —T. L. House
Generational curses plague not one culture, but possibly every culture there is. For those that may not know what a generational curse is, it's a stronghold passed from generation to generation. This curse doesn't mean that you and your family member(s) don't have a decent relationship. It means that it may not be as solid as it could be, because of the repetition of action and character amongst you. The generational curse between mother and daughter though, is indeed real. What makes it a generational curse is that unfortunately, mothers do not recognize and/or acknowledge the exact issues between her and her own mother, and she unintentionally passes that pain to her own daughter. You may not believe that you're living in this curse, but think about your relationship with your mother. She may have had every intention to do it differently with her own daughter, yet she fell into the same strain as her own mother. Your mother may have made sure that you had everything you needed to survive; though she lacked emotional availability, she was neglectful, verbally abusive, manipulative, self-absorbed and overall exhausting. She lacked the ability to show you how to love by loving you. You begged and pleaded without nagging for her acknowledgment; nevertheless, she was critical and self-focused. Your mother exhibited narcissistic traits and made you feel like her scorning toward you was your fault. From this you begin to develop self-esteem issues. Your confidence never developed and your negative thoughts about yourself inclined. You grew into a young woman and before you knew it, you were on a hunt for validation. This approval normally had to come from a male figure and oftentimes, a child was conceived from this relationship. If this child was a daughter, she would likely end up repeating your life. You would be too wrapped up in your own existence to nurture hers. When she evolved into a young woman and decided to address the issues between you and her, you would likely go into denial, pointing the finger back at her. You wouldn't take ownership of your issues as an individual or your relationships issues with your daughter. Instead, you would edit the occurrences in your head to avoid guilt and to remain sane. From there, the cycle continues. The curse continues to travel from decade to decade and from generation to generation. Someone has to be bold and selfless enough to break the curse. You can't make your mother own anything, she possibily never will. It's easier for her to point the finger, it keeps her from drowning in her own emotional mistakes. What can happen though is, you can decide to be conscious of your own mothering. You can opt to be different. You will never be perfect, because you're human and you have your own issues; but you can be vulnerable and open with your own daughter. Be honest with her and own your mistakes when you make them, sincerely apologize and work extra hard to be different. When you become a parent, it's less about you and more about your child(ren). The curse will have no other choice but to break.