"The hardest relationship to commit to is one with self, yet it's the most significant relationship one will ever have." --T. L. House
I was having a conversation with someone very dear to me recently and we were speaking of relationships. It was interesting reflecting on our expectations of others and how impractical those expectations can be. As humans, we are always trying to nurture a relationship, whether it's with family, friends or a significant other. But you noticed I left a key person out of the equation, "self". It occurred to me a month ago that we eagerly commit to relationships with others; oftentimes depleting ourselves of everything we have to give ourselves, so that we can give to others. I bet many of you haven't figured out why we do this so selflessly. The question is, "Do we actually give of ourselves selflessly?" My answer is yes and no. It's yes because we definitely want to fill the love cup of another. We want to validate them and hopefully fill a void within them. The secret is that no one can validate us, complete us nor can they fill any gapping holes in us. That is solely a personal responsibility we owe to ourselves. Regrettably, we pour everything that we possess into someone else, praying that they care enough to do the same for us. When that expectation isn't met, we feel empty and betrayed. That's what makes the act of giving our complete selves to another person, selfish. Being selfless means giving without expecting anything in return and honestly, that's not always realistic.
We have to make a conscious effort to save some of that love, commitment, time and affection for ourselves. We can't continue to irrationally give and give and give to everyone else, until we have nothing left for ourselves. We really shouldn't be upset with others, when they leave a percentage of their spirit for themselves. We shouldn't expect anyone to give us, what we obviously deny ourselves. In changing this one simple thought process, we ultimately set in motion a cycle that will save relationships throughout our lives. We should remember that falling in love with self before anyone else isn't selfish, it's absolutely necessary.