Letter to Herself
Never allow anyone to convince you to settle for anything less than your vision of perfection. --Treka L. House
I know how much you crave love and affection, especially since your father was too absent to give it. His absence still makes you question if you’re good enough, even when you don’t want to. You’ve allowed your body and mind to be manipulated, that still tortures you. You didn’t mind being used at first, at least you were being seen, but now it's different. You now hold your tongue, when you need to speak up. You hold on to people, when they should’ve been dismissed before they fully entered your life. You pretend to believe words you know are lies, because even lies can be beautiful. You allow hell to be your home, that’s all you feel you deserve. You loved someone more than you loved yourself and now you view yourself in pure disgust, because they weren't the image of perfection after all. You find yourself accepting validation from people who only offer you acceptance, in hopes of gaining approval for themselves. The tragedy is that you realize that you are incapable of actually loving yourself. That's confusing to you, so you drift into denial.
You want to be special to that special someone; yet it seems that either you’re not special at all or there’s no one special for you. In the mist of your search, you settle for “good enough” instead of what you’re truly worthy of. You’re like a chameleon, always adjusting who you are, for him, them and they. So much so, you can’t identify the reflection in the mirror that is suppose to be you. You accept abuse, neglect and second hand love; afterall, something is better than nothing. Right? You’re sick of it, you're absolutely fed up with yourself, but what do you do about it? You catch yourself smiling a smile so beautiful; all while your spirit is drowning from the tears flowing from within. Everyone is watching you and surprisingly intrigued by what they see. You’ve somehow become a staple of inspiration, but you need someone to inspire you. You can't quite seem to figure it out. You notice how you laugh in a crowd, when you really want to hide from it all. You’re told how beautiful you are, in your head though, it’s another lie motivated by personal gain. It’s hard not to notice all of your pretending, when you really want to show the world all of your pain. You dream and hold on tightly to the happiness you pray awaits you. At the end of the day, there has to be something wonderful at the end of your treacherous path.
Well, I’m here to tell you to be encouraged. You don’t have to add all the extras to your appearance to be beautiful and you damn sure don’t have to wait for an empty compliment to actually be beautiful. I don't care how you wear your hair, what size you wear or what your bank account looks like; nothing can take away from your actual character and a beautiful character makes for a beautiful person. No matter what social media accepts, you don’t have to reveal private parts of yourself to be noticed. Whose meant to notice you, will and those that aren't, be thankful they didn't. It’s definitely acceptable to be independent and to have standards, so hold on to what you desire for yourself. You shouldn’t allow anyone to convince you otherwise, especially those deceitful insecurities following you around. You need yourself more than you need anyone else, for you will never leave you. Abuse, neglect and manipulation should be a reminder that you play the most significant role in your own life. The way you love yourself, gives others a blueprint to how they should love you. Just know that when you begin to question who you are, it’s less about how you’re perceived by others and more about how you identify with yourself. Never let go of the fact that if you can actually love yourself, you’ll never be without love. Take it one day at a time, constantly reminding yourself that you're worth it; if to no one else, to yourself. You can find so many reasons to hate yourself, search for just as many reasons to love exactly who you are. Give yourself more power over your life, than you give any other being. There's healing in loving yourself.
The Strong Her