"Your heart isn't meant for everybody, but it's meant for somebody. Choose wisely." --T. L. House
Within the last week, the topic of having someone in your life that doesn't help you grow has come up more than once. The subject has come up three times with three different people and I knew I had to write about it. So many of us are so consumed with having someone in our lives to occupy a void, that we'll take anyone. I've noticed that this happens more often with romantic relationships than friendships, but it happens in both situations nonetheless. The carnal aspect of who we are is frequently blinded by the shallow characteristics of a person. The authentic traits are revealed after the cloud of illusion has lifted, but by then an attachment has already formed and it's harder to emotionally disconnect. It isn't the other person's fault that you missed all the red flags for who they really are, since people can't hide who they are, if we pay close enough attention. This eventually goes back to how we view ourselves and our worth, which determine what we see in another person. As you become more familiar with yourself and begin to understand what you want, need and deserve; all of the unattractive attributes that were "intentionally" missed are then revealed. Yes, I said intentionally, on account of us choosing to see what we want to see in order to fulfill that emptiness we may be experiencing at that time. Everyone we deal with isn't ordained to be in our lives, sometimes we pull people in that have no place. We don't allow the order that was prewritten to roll out as intended, since we have the tendency to get in our own way a lot. When people are suppose to play a role in our lives, we will be able to notice that they uplift us and push us to be a bit better than we were before we met them. Now don't get it twisted, every encounter will not necessarily be a positive one. Occasionally, it's the negative ones that show us exactly who we are and prepare us for the next phase of our lives. The problem is that when we have something laid out in front of us and we choose to ignore it, then we inhibit our growth. Furthermore, it isn't fair to drag someone down with you, seeing as you haven't found your path in life. Don't be selfish, allow that someone to move forward so that they can properly walk into their destiny. If you have someone in your life and they are draining you, pulling you down or keeping you stagnant; it's self-evaluation and relationship reflection time. You have to be able to recognize when the relationship has reached it's reason, met with it's season or if it can even make it to your lifetime. No matter how much you may love someone, every so often, their time has run out in your life and you must let them go or you'll be at a downward spiral to nothingness. Maintaining a relationship with someone who isn't pushing you to excel beyond the limitations you set for yourself, should be politely escorted out of your space. And more important, you have to be okay with that and realize that a window needed closing before you could receive what was destined to come through the door. Respect, protect and nurture your space.